Resigned

resigned /riˈzīnd/ adj. having accepted something unpleasant that one cannot do anything about.

When I stopped to think about the last few days and what I needed to share, resigned is the first word that came to mind. I am having to accept something unpleasant (again) that I really cannot do anything about. Appropriate. I guess this is just the road I'm on. God knows where it leads. I do not.

In my last post, I wrote of my visit with the specialist at OHSU while I was waiting to see my oncologist to begin the next phase of my new treatment. After discussing my OHSU visit and the new treatment plans, she (finally) took note of my ongoing GI issues. She did not realize I was still dealing with that. Thankfully, this time she decided to put my treatment on hold while she runs more tests (normally she offers a "bandaid solution") and not further traumatize my body. I submitted samples Friday afternoon and hopefully I'll hear back tomorrow. Meanwhile, she had me attend my "education", oncology talk for a one on one class to educate me on a new drug. The last time I went to one of these was 3 years ago before I started chemo, so my guard immediately went up. As far as I can recall, no one said anything about me doing chemo again (yet). I thought it was only if this next line of treatment didn't work. I was wrong. I feel like my oncologist intentionally avoided using the word chemo so I'd go to the class. She was right. Apparently my new line of treatment is an oral chemo drug. Technicalities. I am not pleased. The whole purpose of these classes is to give you an idea of what to expect and to make you aware of all the potential side effects. These are the new drugs plus the ones I'm already on (with my current side effects in bold):

1. Started last month - Lupron monthly injection (aka, Leuprolide) How it works: shuts down the ovaries and stop them from producing estrogen so there is less estrogen to fuel the growth of hormone-receptor-positive breast cancer. Side effects: hot flashes, mood swings, loss of libido, osteoporosis

2. NEW - Kisqali oral chemo pill, a targeted therapy (aka, Ribociclib) How it works: A kinase is a type of protein in the body that helps control cell division. Kisqali works by inhibiting the kinase and stopping cancer cells from dividing and growing. Side effects: nausea, fatigue, diarrhea, hair loss, vomiting, headache, back pain, low white blood cell counts, constipation, heart problems known as QT prolongation liver problems

3. NEW - Aromasin oral pill (aka, Exemestane) How it works: Aromatase inhibitors lower the amount of estrogen in postmenopausal women. (I'm not necessarily postmenopausal, but since they're chemically inducing menopause, this counts. Side effects: hot flashes, mood swings, depression, nausea, fatigue, increased sweating, increased appetite, weakened bones

4. I will also continue on a monthly bone strengthening injection, Xgeva (aka, Denosumab) How it works: RANKL inhibitors block the RANKL protein, limit the activity level of certain bone cells, called osteoclasts, which help cause the bone weakening and damage that can happen when breast cancer spreads to the bone. RANKL inhibitors also can help keep blood calcium levels normal. This is important because bone damage may increase blood calcium. Side effects: bone pain, nausea, vomiting, fever, fatigue, constipation, diarrhea, loss of appetite, teary eyes, heartburn, mouth sores, depression, vaginal discharge, hand-foot syndrome, hair changes, osteonecrosis of the jaw (loss of bone in the jaw)

Prayer request: Needless to say, I'm not looking forward to starting these new drugs (#2 and #3). I know so many of you are praying for me already. My prayer is that this line of treatment WORKS this time and that the side effects are minimal. There are a number of precautions that I've been instructed to follow regarding ribociclib, just like with chemo infusions. More on that another time.

Please continue to pray for Nathan. Some days he does really well. Others are a challenge. We're trying to push through his senior year but it seems like an uphill battle for me with everything else on my plate. Pray that we both finish strong.

Praise report: My son Ryan moved into his first apartment yesterday. A bittersweet moment that we've prayed for but nonetheless difficult for this mama's tender heart. I know he's ready for it though and I look forward to seeing him thrive in his independence.

P.S. I just want to say thank you to those of you that responded to my questions of a Loving God. I'll save that for another time since this is already quite long.