Pretty Penny

This little dish holds my morning supplements and medication. The are 13 little pills and capsules in there and I have 9 more I'll take tonight. Every. Single. Day. I try not to gag as I swallow a couple at a time.

I just finished reordering my vitamins and supplements and refilling my prescriptions. I'm paying about $350/month for these. Only two of these medications are completely covered by my insurance. My pain meds are only partially covered. The rest are out of pocket. The pills aren't the only thing making me gag. The cost of "staying healthy" and "fighting cancer" are exorbitant for our modest income. Being self employed, I create my own schedule but the reality is, I'm working less and less.

I saw my integrative oncologist 3 weeks ago and was informed that her rates went up. I'll now pay $600 an hour to see her. Why do I continue to pay out of pocket to see her when I have another oncologist? Great question.

My traditional oncologist, the one my insurance covers, carries such a heavy caseload that I literally am just a number to her. "Weeks Nine Sixteen Seventy-Four". That's my number. I repeat it again and again to the point I'm surprised I don't introduce myself that way in public. The quality of care I'm receiving there is atrocious. I only see my oncologist every other month. I see her PAs on my visits in between. For perspective, I'm there every 2 weeks. That means I only see my doctor 1 out of every 5 or 6 visits. The PAs do not do exams. They are not able to answer questions or adjust treatments. Everything must go through the doctor I hardly see. Everytime there's a question or concern, I'm told they pass it on the the doctor and get back me. Only this never happens. 2 weeks pass and I'm there again with the PA again only to have them tell me that their records show that the doctor saw the message but didn't reply. "We'll send it through again."

In contrast, when I call, text, or email my integrative oncologist, she personally responds, often within minutes, and not only has an answer me, but she refers to medical journals, studies, and articles supporting her info. Unfortunately, we need my traditional oncologist to order things like chemotherapy and scans so my insurance will cover them. As it is right now, I had a MRI done in 3 weeks ago to explore the pain that sent me to the ER 2 weeks before that (it took that long for my oncologist to see me after an ER visit SHE sent me in for). The concern was the intense increasing pain when my tumor cells were decreasing. When I saw the PA 2 weeks ago, we discovered that radiology had compared the MRI to the wrong previous scan. I'm still waiting for the revised results. The results will determine if I need radiation again. Meanwhile, I'm on morphine 24/7 and still in pain. Honestly, it's difficult to call this health "care". It's infuriating.

So, back to the question. Why do I see this integrative oncologist? Because the negligence of the other doctor is LIFE THREATENING. She's the same doctor that dismissed me last year as "cancer free, see you in 6 months" while I knew something wasn't right. You'll remember that that "something" was the cancer growing in almost every bone of my body. It was my integrative oncologist who listened and left no stone unturned til we got answers.

On top of all this, I've been dealing with some serious nausea. Recently the PA gave me a prescription for this. Sometimes it helps. Sometimes it doesn't. I'm fine one minute, then hit hard with pain and a strong urge to vomit. Most of the time I'm not hungry. When hunger does it, I want something sweet or salty or spicy, something I can taste but not upset my stomach further. My mouth takes like overripe fruit and metal. Thanks, chemo.

I've heard "please call me if I can help in any way", "what can I do?", and "I don't know how you do it" more times than I can count. Let's be real...I'm not going to call, folks. There's no way I'm going to call with the needs I truly have. I wouldn't ask that of you. I do ask for prayers. Lots of them. My family's a mess... we all need your prayers. I'm living on those and so very thankful for them. Those of you that reach out to me, thank you too. A timely message can go a long way and I don't take it for granted. Thank you...