I just finished my CT scan and had labwork done before class today (rushed over and home for class then back again!). Don't ask me how I'm still working through times like this. Just know that I am fully relying on the grace of God to carry me through what seems humanly impossible.
I have an MRI scheduled tomorrow night to check my brain again. Headaches have also been a problem on this drug. Chest pain, headaches, bone pain, hands and feet swelling, cracking, and peeling. Yeah, it's a riot🤪
I suspect it's my chemo pill causing the chest pains. I also suspect it is not working. My onc agrees. She said it's time to consider chemo infusions again. Not sure how I feel about that...we'll see what my test results show and go from there.
You know, it occurred to me yesterday that we are attempting to "flatten the curve" for my tumor markers. They keep rising and the cancer cells keep spreading. Funny how that phrase applies here too.
And since you've read this much, I just want to add something that's been on my mind lately. I know we're all tired of this lockdown, wearing masks, hearing "covid", etc. I just want to thank those of you that are *not* snubbing your nose at the risks that don't apply to you. They apply to me. Maybe it would help if I put a face to it. I wear a mask to protect MY health. Cancer is not contagious but viruses are. I am not a "sheep" and I am not any less of a patriot by choosing to comply with the stay at home orders. Those of you that have been aggressively outspoken about your rights being taken away, complaining about having to wear a mask in private businesses, and so on, you might as well be flipping me the bird. You're not fighting for your rights, you're complaining about the inconvenience. Businesses *will* open back up and yes, things will not resemble "normal" for some time, if ever. The quarantine *will* end and we won't always have to take these precautions but you know what? Wouldn't you rather error on the side of caution than to rush back into things and regret it later? I want to share with you my perspective and ask you to spend a minute in my shoes... When this is all said and done, I'll still have cancer. There is no one rushing to find a cure that will save me but they are rushing to create a vaccine for this virus. Try explaining that to my kids, my husband, my parents, my friends. The inconveniences you've been asked to endure are temporary but the precautions apply to me, and others like me, indefinitely. Welcome to my world, if only for a moment.
Edited to add: Lest you think I'm wearing a mask while driving in my car (I just returned to my car when I took this pic) or to walk outdoors in the fresh air, I am not. I am a firm believer that we need to unmask when it is safe to do so to allow our immune systems to stay strong and work as they were designed to do. I also wash my hands like a normal person, not obsessively, for the same reason. I have also had visitors in my backyard, a calculated risk I am willing to take with those who have my safety in mind. And I'm not afraid of dying, for I know what my future holds in Christ. That doesn't mean I want to die or expose myself to something that might hurry that along. Even my consideration of future cancer treatment carries risks. This is my life.
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