This Sunday, our pastor continued his series on the book of Jonah. For the first time in my life, this account of God's grace and mercy has struck a chord with me and I'm relating to Jonah now more than ever. Walk with me a bit?
I think most folks are familiar with the basic story of Jonah, a man sent to Nineveh, thrown in the sea and swallowed by a big fish. There's more to it than that and I've turned much of his story over in my mind again and again. Please keep in mind, I'm no theologian. I'm speaking from my heart and my personal experience.
"Arise, go to Nineveh, that great city, and call out against it, for their evil has come up before me." ~ Jonah 1:2
Jonah was a man commissioned by God to take the love of God to the godless people of Nineveh. But Jonah boarded a ship for Tarshish and fled from the presence of God. Jonah saw the impossible task God was asking of him and ran away. Was Jonah a coward? Was it his lack of faith that kept him from obeying God? If I put myself in Jonah's dusty sandals, I'd have to say it was a little of both. At least that's how I felt 3 years ago when I was first diagnosed with breast cancer. My blog had been neglected as other things, like homeschooling and starting a business, took all my time. God called me to revive it, to use it as a platform to document my experience, sharing my faith and fears, while informing my readers, friends, and family of my most intimate thoughts. I did not want to share. I did not want to give you a peek into my private life. But God... he had other plans. Like Jonah, I tried to hide from God, to flee from his presence. I stopped reading my bible. I couldn't focus anyway. I was hurt and angry and scared. Didn't God know that I had been through so much already? How could he put me through yet another trial?
But the Lord hurled a great wind upon the sea, and there was a mighty tempest on the sea, so that the ship threatened to break up. ~ Jonah 1:4
God hurled a storm upon me too. My husband's employer no longer had work for him. Our car broke down again. My younger son's therapy sessions were just starting to show progress and then his occupational therapist announced she was leaving. Here I felt like my world was crumbling around me and God was asking me to tell his people all the ways he was blessing me and my family. Why me, God?
He said to them, "Pick me up and hurl me into the sea; then the sea will quiet down for you, for I know it is because of me that this great tempest has come upon you." ~ Jonah 1:12
Jonah, knowing he was the cause of the great tempest rocking the ship, surrendered to his fate and told his shipmates to throw him overboard. Instantly the sea calmed and God sent a big fish to swallow him up.
I too surrendered. I knew what God was asking of me and knew there was no use running. He had provided for me and protected me through many storms and there was no need for me to think this would be any different. He is the same Good Father today as he has always been and I made a conscience decision to trust him with this too. God would be glorified through my battle with cancer.
To be continued...
NOTE: This is *not* a big fish. This fish swallowed my hook and worm, not me.
UPDATE & PRAISE : I saw my oncologist last Thursday to go over my MRI results and the quality of my care. Most importantly, no tumors in my brain. My back and neck look good but she's sending me for a petscan to get a better picture. My increasing pain is concerning to us . My doctor has now given me her personal email to reach her directly. Hopefully that'll help with the communication issues.
Last night, Charlie and I joined friends on a jet boat ride on the river to an outdoor concert. On the first spin, I braced myself but still pivoted on the bench seat and slammed into the railing. My ribs and hip are severely bruised and my pain is even worse now. At this point, I don't think I fractured anything but it sure hurts to breathe or walk.
PRAYER REQUEST: Please pray that this new injury heals quickly. Increasing my pain medication makes my brain completely useless and I can't really drive. I go in tomorrow for my monthly injections and will ask the doctor to check me, just in case. I'd also like to ask you to pray for my vision. The last week or so I've been having trouble blinking away a blur in the center of my vision. It's not every day but it's exhausting on the days it is there.
Comments